New Joke of Day...

How to ruin Toys Story:
If one of the toys died, Andy wouldn't know and he'd actually just keep playing with a corpse.

 

This just happened--true story...

I purchased some in-the-shell nuts for the Holiday. They are in a wicker bowl on the dining room table.

I am on-line, here now, and he lifts up a Brazil Nut and asks me "Whats this?".

I answered and he did the same for the pecans, hazelnuts and almonds. I said "I thought you knew these".

He then then grabbed his crotch and asked "What's these?"

so I answered........
























PEANUTS!

 

Savage!!!

 

A Priest and a Pastor are standing by the side of a road holding up sign that reads

"The End Is Near. Turn Around Now Before It's Too Late!"

A passing driver yells, "You guys are nuts" and speeds past them. From around the curve
they here a screeching of tires .. then a big splash.

The priest turn to the pastor and says "Do you think we should have just put up a sign
that says "Bridge Out" instead?
Compliments Of Reader's Digest

 

My wife and her friend were out to lunch when the temperature drastically dropped. They stood by her friend’s truck, shivering, while the friend searched for a key to unlock the door. My wife asked, “Can’t we sit in the truck while you find your keys?”

 

How do you titillate an ocelot?

Oscillate it's tit a lot!