Friends vs family

I put this in general even though it’s a semi-incest question. In some cultures friends are family. Like Ohana in Hawaiian or the saying “friends are family you choose for yourself”

I didn’t know much of my family growing up. Didn’t have a conversation with my aunts or cousins until I was in my 30’s. So me being attracted to physically to a cousin or one aunt isn’t a taboo in my eyes since they are basically strangers. Friends on the other hand. Those that I know actually love me and helped me. I feel so guilty when I’m sexually attracted to some of them. I have a life of trauma and though not a fetish empathy is a turn on for me. Some of my friends are very attractive. So I desire them most but I hate sometimes having that desire. I didn’t become sexually attracted to them until later. I never tell them. And my best friend I am in love with but will never tell her. I can’t go into details of the traumas that make me like this but I put myself in the friendszone out of fear for losing them. One use to looking back flirt with me and I was obvious at first but then after I realized it I ignored it. Partly due to that fear. I am heterosexual for the most part (no homosexual qualifies. Just demisexual and sapiosexual) and looking on social media I do get hard sometimes looking at images they post. I have masturbated to them too then feel horrible afterwards.

Just curious anyone else have this guilt. Or even if it’s sexual attraction to a family member do you feel guilt too? Ever masturbate and feel horrible afterwards.

 

I am a big believer in "found family" and the idea that we all have two families: the one we are born into and the one we choose and gather around ourselves.

While it is hard to consider "incest" it makes a LOT of sense that some people would have the same feelings of conflict and taboo around their found family.

Not all of my friends are "family" to me, but my closest ones certainly are, and there are some overlaps with my birth family. I'm pansexual with an aspect of demisexual, and I never personally developed those taboos, but you are absolutely not alone and I hope you hear from more people who share those feelings soon! <3