A Joke For Today

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On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

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That's pretty accurate.

 

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. A lot of people were really surprised today, about Jeffrey Epstein having croaked this morning.

Hell, just imagine how surprised he must have been !

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I thought it was just a joke... It really happened?!

 

Just think of all the sighs of relief that caused.

 

Actually, I was thinking of all the frustration that victims are probably feeling seeing as they can no longer confront him and fast forward to some closure.

They're likely now to have to take the long recovery road of getting over it without the satisfaction of direct confrontation of the source...

As far as they are concerned (as I would see it), he ran away... Relief wouldn't be there unless it was done as a punishment...

 

So did you feel better after hearing that the DUI killed himself?

 

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An elderly family lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border - .

And for years, their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada.

One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. " I just got some news, Mom, " he said.

" The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They have decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think ? ”

" What do I think ? " his mother exclaimed, " Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept - I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters !”

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And that's what I was talking about. The energy/feelings that needed to be redirected. It's not relief...

But we digress... If you want to discuss this further, we should move it to a new thread...

In the meantime:

A bus driver was chartering a full bus of elderly people. Sometime into the long drive, an elderly person gave him a can of nuts to eat, which he accepted and snacked on during the drive.

A little bit later, another one gave him another full can. When the third can was given to him, the driver asked the elderly person. "Wow, you guys have given me a lot of nuts. Why?"

The elderly person smiled with a toothless grin. "Well as you can see, we can't chew the nuts... they're too hard to eat without any teeth."

The driver replied, "So why did you buy them then if you couldn't eat them?"

The elder smiled again. "Well they had a HUGE sale on them and the chocolate coating was delicious!"



-SW

 

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- What do you call a frenchman wearing sandals ?

Phillipe Phillope

- What's orange and sounds like a parrot ?

A Carrot.

- What do you call a dog that does magic tricks ?

A Labracadabrador.

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Q: What's the difference between light and hard ?
A: You can sleep with a light on.

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Q: What kind of exercise do lazy 
people do ?
A: Diddly-squats.

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Heard about the new restaurant called 'Karma' ?

There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.

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What's the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

One says "Ribbit, ribbit"

The other says "Rubbit, rubbit"