A Joke For Today

The bride smiled sweetly at the Maid of Honor when they both overheard the groom say to the best man, "Look, I am positive she is a virgin.”

“In fact, if you care to bet, I will give you 20 to 1 odds."

When they were alone, though, the bride shouted, "How could you do such a thing?”

“We are only just married and already you are throwing money away."
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A foursome is waiting on the 10th hole at the men's tee while another foursome -- of ladies -- are striking from the ladies' tee.

The ladies are taking their time and, when the last one is finally ready to strike the ball, she hacks it about ten feet!

She walks over to it, and hacks it another ten feet!

She looks up at the men who are watching, and growls apologetically, "I guess all those f**king lessons I took this winter did not help me one bit!"

One of the men immediately replies, "Now, you see, that is your problem. You should have taken GOLFING lessons instead!"
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Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl.

One night, an owl finally called back to him.

For a year, the man and his -feathered friends- hooted back and forth.

He even kept a log of the –conversation- they had... Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter-species communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor.

"My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls in our back yard," she remarked.

"That is odd," the neighbor replied, "So does MY husband!"
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This fits more in "A word from our sponsor" thread. You should look there.

 

Finally, after years of testing business software, I landed my dream job –- trying out computer games.

My first day at work, I was listing various ideas in a spreadsheet program when my manager walked by.

He looked at my screen for a moment, then told me sternly, "I would better not catch you using spreadsheets on company time when you know you should be playing games."
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'Hurt me!' she begged, leaning over the dining table expectantly.

'OK,' I replied, 'Your turkey's too dry and your sprouts are overcooked.'

 

The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges.

One Saturday night, she returned home very late from a party.

The next morning, her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper, and came back into the house, frowning.

At 11:30 AM, the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen.

Her father asked, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?"

"Not too late, Dad," she replied nervously.

Deadpanning, her father responded, "Then, my precious one, I will have to have a VERY serious talk with the newspaper boy about putting my Sunday paper under the left front tire of the car!"
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